“But hey, you know what? I’ve always been there. Tried to see you, when I could. Had you come to stay, but you told me you didn’t want to live with us out West. I understand that, even though it wasn’t what I wanted. I did what I could for you. The music lessons, the big house, going to Paris. Sam, I knew about all that because I paid for it.”

  I’m so shocked I can’t speak. It feels like there is a big clump of seaweed in my throat. It’s like I want to choke. I can hardly breathe.

  “And I had them checked out, Dom and Eira. And Margaret. You don’t think I’d trust my daughter with total strangers, do you?”

  “What does checked out mean?”

  “I hired someone to look into their backgrounds. Be sure they’re who they say they are.”

  “You had them investigated?” I say. “Like they were criminals, or something?”

  “Nothing like that. But you have to know, Sam, I never make any kind of a deal without knowing who I’m dealing with.”

  “And I was just a deal? That’s all?”

  “Sam, take a deep breath. Think, for a minute. I know you’re a smart kid. Now, would you trust something that is important to you to people you don’t know at all?”

  I breathe.

  Think.

  No. Probably not.

  “No. I know you wouldn’t. I’m just doing the same. Making sure you’re protected and safe. Because that’s what I want for you. A good home…”

  “Even if it’s not with you.”

  “Yes,” he says. “Even then. Because I’m still your dad. Always will be. Even if you’re angry with me. And, let me tell you, you’re going to be a teenager soon, which will give you plenty to be angry with me about. Or so they tell me, since you’re my oldest kid, I haven’t faced that. Yet.”

  “But,” I say, “maybe you could make a movie about it?”

  “That might be an idea,” he says, smiling. “But there’s something else, something serious, I have to tell you. Maybe we should ask your, um…Eira and Dom to come back so they can hear this, too.”

  He goes to call them while I think about what he said. Try to take it all in.

  It isn’t about my future. It seems that as long as I’m happy, I’ll be living with Dom and Eira. Until I’m ready to go off to university or move out because I’ve grown up, because they’ll be my official guardians, in addition to my dad.

  “But what about Umma?” I ask as Dom and Eira come in with worried looks and sit down.

  My dad gets a pained look on his face. “Well, that’s the news I have for you. It seems she’s disappeared from that hospital place they had her at out in Honolulu.”

  “What? Disappeared?” Eira is saying what I’m thinking. “But how? Why?”

  “She somehow finagled a day-visit pass from one of the doctors. Family members came to collect her and then…”

  “She didn’t come back,” Dom says. “The family scooped her.”

  “Seems like,” Dad says. “Straight to the airport. Their private jet was waiting. They went back to South Korea. Who knows how they got the clearances, but I take it the Parks are a pretty powerful family, back in Busan. She left with just the clothes she was wearing. No phone, no laptop, not even her passport which the police had taken from her.”

  “But what does that mean? If that’s what’s happened?”

  “Don’t know. But she’d have trouble coming back here. Would probably be arrested if she tried.”

  “But what if that didn’t happen? What if she got kidnapped or something? By criminals?”

  Like I did.

  “It doesn’t look like that happened, because there was a message. From her. After. Saying that it was her choice to go home to be with her family in South Korea. And not to try to trace her.”

  Oh. She’s left her home, left her job, left everything. Including me. But maybe it wasn’t her choice. Maybe her family made her go back with them.

  “But you did try, didn’t you?” Dom asks.

  Dad laughs. “Of course I did. You don’t think I’d let things end like that? For one thing, what would I say to Sam?”

  I don’t know. What would he say? What could anyone say? It was like something out of a movie. Or a TV show. Too strange to be real.

  “So, what did your investigator find out?” Eira asks.

  “Quite a bit, as it turns out. Though some of this, a lot of this, has to remain in this room. Between the four of us.”

  “And your guy? You can trust him?” Dom says.

  “Absolutely. As much as I trust you three,” Dad says.

  “Officially, Soo Min Park is missing. Unofficially, she’s back in Busan.” He pulls out his phone and displays a photo. It’s kind of fuzzy, but you can tell it’s Umma, walking in a park with two men. They look a lot the same but one of them is older. “That’s your grandfather, Sam. You mom’s father, Park Ki-ja. And this guy is your Uncle Park Jang-ja.”

  “Do you know where they live? How to contact them?”

  “Yep. And I’ll leave that with you. And look, I’ve got the driver waiting outside in 20 minutes and there’s more you need to know.”

  “How about you just talk, and we listen?” Dom says.

  Dad nods. “OK, here’s the story. You know Soo Min had some trouble at work…”

  We all nod yes.

  “…that was back in the fall. She left, well, she was told to leave…”

  “Fired?”

  “Yes. That’s confirmed. There was money missing. Clients unhappy.”

  “And the money was for gambling,” I say.

  Three surprised adult faces turn my way.

  “You knew?”

  “I was pretty sure, yes.”

  “But you never said anything. Like to Margaret. Or me.”

  “You weren’t around. And how could I tell Margaret? What could she have done about it? Umma was her boss.”

  “Good point,” Dad says. “I knew you were a smart girl!”

  His investigator found that not only did my mother take more than $300,000 from clients and lose it gambling, she also had debts. A lot of debts. That’s why she had to sell our home. And her apartment in the city. Even with that, she was bankrupt. And there were some dangerous people she owed money to. That means she had no money left, owed a lot of money, had no job and was in serious trouble. Which was also why she needed to get away. As far away as possible.

  “Seems like she thought she could outrun all the people she owed money to in Hawaii,” my Dad says. “It might have worked, but not for long.”

  When Margaret left for Mexico, she hadn’t been paid for two months. It was my Dad who sent her the money Umma owed her. My mother was also behind in paying Sonya and Anton for my music lessons. And she owed a lot of money to the government for taxes she hadn’t paid.

  “So, she was in a really terrible situation,” Eira says. “Poor woman. She must have been under terrible stress. No wonder she had a breakdown.”

  “Money problems. Gambling. And there’s more,” Dad says. “There were drugs found. Cocaine, mostly but also Ecstasy and some illegal painkillers. Fentanyl. Not in her bags but sewn into the lining of Sam’s suitcase.”

  “Oh, no!” Eira says. “But if Sam had gotten on that plane with her…where would she be now?”

  “That could have been…difficult,” my Dad says grimly. “But we would have got you back, sweetheart. Don’t worry.”

  “As it was, it was bad enough,” Eira says. “Dom and I were so worried. I’m sure Sam was terrified.”

  “But very brave,” my Dad says. “Smart and brave. That’s our girl!”

  Then, too soon, there’s a knock on the door. It’s Dad’s driver, saying they better get going. There’s another storm on the way, coming up the coast. Flights are still arriving and leaving, but maybe not for much longer.

  My Dad’s given us all the contact information for him, for his assistant who can always reach him and also for my mother’s family in South Korea. Busan. That’s the city they live in. I have to look it up online to figure out where it is.

  And wonder if I’ll ever go there. To meet my other family. My Asian family.

  thirteen

  Maybe my mother wants to talk to me, but she can’t.

  Maybe her new phone doesn’t work to call to another country that’s so far away. Even further than Hawaii.

  Maybe she doesn’t have her own laptop anymore. Or a computer. Or any way to text or message me. Even though she wants to. She did send me those two messages. But that was when she was still in Hawaii.

  Maybe I should try to call her. I’m pretty sure that’s possible. We might be able to set up an online video chat. Just so I could know she’s OK and she likes being back in her home in Korea. That investigator my dad hired probably has a phone number for someone in the Park family.

  Maybe I’ll just send another email to her, after school. When I’m supposed to be practicing. Getting ready for my lesson tomorrow with Sonja. Because, lucky for me, she and Anton have both welcomed me back as their student.

  Or maybe I won’t. It could be that Eira is right about maybe my mother and I just need a time out. To think things through, for me. And for my mother to get better.

  Eira explained about how she has a friend who’s a therapist who works with people with addictions. She said that it’s pretty common for people who have an addiction to one thing, like say using cocaine or shoplifting or alcohol to also have another addiction, like Umma does with gambling. They just can’t stop, even when they know it’s destroying their lives and hurting other people.

  How did it hurt others? Well, she stole a lot of money, so it hurt the people who trusted her. That’s probably also true about the people she worked with. They must have trusted her and been let down.

  She hurt Margaret, who depended on her job with our family, because Margaret sends most of her money home to support her mother and her kids.

  She hurt me. She never really trusted me. Never treated me with any kind of respect or caring. I can’t remember one single time my mother ever hugged me, or kissed me, or said one kind thing to me. I can’t remember her ever wanting to know about what I was thinking and feeling. It was like she thought I was just a music robot.

  But Margaret did all those things I wanted my mother to do. I guess you could say in almost all the ways that matter, Tia Margaret is my real mother. She’s the one who always was there. Always listened. Always cared about me, Sam Park, the real person. Not just Sam Park the musician.

  I’m so lucky to have her back in my life. And to have Eira and Dom, who really didn’t expect to have an instant family, even before they got married. When you think about it, it’s a pretty special thing they’re doing, giving me a home. And more than that. All the listening to me, and hugs, and just general kindness any one girl can cope with!

  Just kidding. They’re great. I’m so lucky.

  And, you know, I don’t think any of it could have happened if there hadn’t been my accidental Christmas!

  fourteen

  It was April when we found out that the police in New York had arrested most of the people they think were involved in the kidnapping ring. They got the woman with the dirty baby and also the woman who was at the bus station shop and barged into me. They found Lakeesha and the two boys, but Rachelle is still missing. Officer Lopez said I was the only one they know of who managed to escape on my own.

  I wish I’d not bothered about getting my laptop, even though it did have the concerto I was writing on it. I should have backed up my music on a memory stick. I should have just left the laptop there. I should have grabbed Rachelle. Made her come with me. I should have saved her.

  That’s not the only thing I should have done. But we all make mistakes, Eira says. That’s just being human. It’s also how we learn. And grow.

  Eira and Dom took me to the city, to pick out another violin. It was a friend of Anton’s who was selling it and Anton said he knew it’s a good instrument, so we got it.

  It was a surprise when, one day in April, a courier driver knocked at our door. She said she needed a signature from Mr. Sam Park. I said it’s me and signed for it. She handed me a box that turned out to be my old violin.

  Inside was a note. It seems the cabin crew found it at Honolulu airport, when they were tidying up to get ready for boarding to head back to Los Angeles. One of them turned it in to their lost and found, where it sat for a while before someone looked inside, found my name and address and sent it back to our old home.

  The people there told the driver our new address. Now that I don’t need it, it came all the way back to me. But I’m happy to have it.

  I’m happy, full stop. That’s what I said in my thank-you notes.

  There’s so much to be happy about. Margaret likes our new home. She’s excited about her mom and kids coming to visit soon. They’ll be here for what’s really exciting, Eira’s and Dom’s wedding.

  Dad and his wife are invited. He says he doesn’t know, but he’ll try to make it.

  My mother won’t. I tried to stay angry with her, but the anger just turned into mostly sadness. I’m sad for her. I think she never really got what she wanted, which was to be a famous opera singer, but no one helped Umma get her dream. I’m not sure about this but I think that maybe no one loved her enough.

  Or maybe she just never learned how to love herself. I mean, in the good way that gives you strength and confidence. One thing I’ve learned is that you can be the world’s best at something, but if you don’t have confidence, no one will ever know it. And it will never give you joy.

  I’m so much more fortunate. I have my good friends, Morley and Jayden. I have my teachers, Anton and Sonja and Madame Boulanger. And Monsieur Cadeau. I have my dad, not exactly in my life, but not out of it, either. I know he cares about me. Loves me.

  I have the generosity and kindness of Eira and Dom, who’ve given me a new home and a real family. And, best of all, I have my dear Tia Margaret. And I have Tippy.

  Margaret says some people just aren’t any good at loving. It’s something you need to learn how to do. Some people never learn. Or they never get the chance. Or they throw away all their chances.

  She doesn’t say who she means by some people. I know she doesn’t mean herself. Or me. Perhaps she means Umma.

  Eira says family are the people you choose to have in your life. To love. To cherish. They aren’t always the people you were born to.

  I guess that’s right. After all, look at Eira and Dom. And me. They chose each other. And they chose to have me in their family. I choose to have them.

  And Gus. Morley chose to have him in her family.

  And Margaret. I know now that she’s always been my family.

  And Madame Boulanger. It’s true, my mother paid her money to give me master classes in violin and piano. But there are way more people who want classes with Madame than she has time to teach and help. She chose me.

  Maybe being related by love is stronger than being related by blood. Just like Margaret says.

  Something that worried me is: What if my mother comes back? What if I have to go back to living with her, like before?

  Eira says that’s always a possibility. If it happens, though, it’s a problem for Future Sam, not Today Sam. And also a problem for Future Eira and Future Dom. She says we’ll deal with it together, if it happens.

  She says, “Sam, you always have a choice. You can let what has happened crush you, or you can see it for what it is and use it to become stronger. Do you understand this?”

  I think I do. I think it’s also what Madame was talking about, finding your own voice. The voice of YOU. You have a choice about using that voice. Or staying silent.

  I get an online video lesson with Madame now, once a month. Here’s what she said during my lesson last week:

  Remember this always. What you think, you are.

  What you believe, you are.

  But, most of all, what you do, you are.

  And so, ma Cherie Sam, as I know you will, always think and believe and do your gift to the world. Because you are the only one who can.

  The only one who can compose my music. Perform it. Or go to hear others perform it.

  The only one who can give my special gift to the world.

  To do that, I guess I better start liking airports.

  Just like Umma tried to teach me.

  the end

  About the Author

  Jacquelyn Johnson writes books for curious and creative kids ages 8 to 12.

  She used to work as a newspaper and magazine writer and editor. Her articles and photographs have appeared in newspapers and magazines in Canada, United States and Britain.

  Jacquelyn is also a former teacher, college and university lecturer. She has taught English as a Second Language to children and teenagers in South Korea and journalism to university students in South Dakota and Ontario.

  When not writing, she enjoys watching her garden grow while doing as little actual garden work as possible, re-decorating her home with shabby chic finds (that means fixed up used stuff, a hobby she shares with Morley’s mother, Eefa) and music.

  She grew up studying piano and later played the trumpet, though regrets that she has never learned to play as well as Sam Park. Or make jewellery as well as Morley. Or ride horses, like Jayden can.

  She makes her home and garden with her family near the ocean in a town very much like Seabright. Just down the street from a house that’s very much like Morley’s. With a little cat who’s very much like Feather.

  Acknowledgements

  Thank you for reading Rules for Flying. I hope you’ve enjoyed your time with Sam and her friends.

  Parenting is the most difficult job ever invented for amateurs. That said, I’ve known parents who, for a variety of reasons, just aren’t as good at the job as they need to be. Many experts have helped in my understanding of such parents. Special thanks to Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson for her books of insights into both Soo Min’s actions and Sam’s: Understanding Emotionally Immature Parents and Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents.

 

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