I forced myself to settle on the stool inside the booth and lifted my eyes to the first guy in line. It was Frank Gore and his grin made my skin crawl. I hated Mallory in that moment. I wanted to grab her ponytail and drag her back to the booth so she could do the job she’d signed up for. I wasn’t even supposed to be at the fair. If my parents found out I wasn’t at Jenny’s house, I was dead. Sneaking out was bad but sneaking out to a fair an hour away? D-E-A-D.

  “Get those lips ready, Ada.” Frank pulled out a wad of bills. “How much for tongue?”

  I cringed and was fighting tears when the most gorgeous man I’d ever seen walked up to the front of the line, cutting Frank off. He had eyes the shade of the sky and eyelashes that I would’ve killed for. His lips lifted in a slow smile and then he dropped several hundred-dollar bills into the jar.

  “Walk with me?” He wasn’t just gorgeous. He was hot, hotter than any of the guys I was graduating with soon. His voice was velvety smooth and I was sure he’d never once stuttered or tripped in front of the girl he was flirting with.

  Frank Gore and the guys behind him grumbled but I was out of that booth too fast to even pretend to care. The mystery guy met me at the side of the booth, the same place Mallory had just ditched me, and he offered me his hand. I’d held a boy’s hand before, but it was different with him. When I slipped my fingers through his, my heart sped up and I got wild butterflies in my lower stomach.

  “I won’t make you stay with me if you don’t want but you looked like you didn’t want to be there.” He guided us away from the crowded parts of the fair and smiled down at me. “Are you okay? I saw your friend shove you in there.”

  My mouth moved without my brain’s permission. “I owe you a kiss.”

  He laughed. “You don’t. I just wanted to help out.”

  I swallowed down the rejection because he was still holding my hand, and changed the subject. I wanted him to keep talking. “Thank you. I’m not even supposed to be here tonight.”

  “How old are you?” His eyes moved over my face and lower, sending warmth coursing through my body.

  “Almost eighteen.” My lips stretched in a wide smile. “Old enough.”

  He laughed and the sound washed over me. “Oh? Old enough for what?”

  I blushed. “Do you live here?”

  “At the fair? No.” He grinned when I tugged at his hand. “On Lake Dun? Yeah. I do. You don’t.”

  I pushed my hair behind my ear and licked my lips. “No. How could you tell?”

  He looked away. “I would’ve noticed you around.”

  My entire body flushed. I stopped walking and I had a moment of clarity. My mom was always talking about moments of clarity. I moved closer to his chest and took a deep breath. “I’ve… I’ve never kissed anyone before. If you hadn’t rescued me tonight, I would’ve given my first kiss to Frank Gore and I don’t think I could’ve survived that.”

  His eyes flicked down to my lips. “That would’ve been a tragedy.”

  “You paid for a kiss.” I glanced down at his lips and watched as his tongue peeked out to wet them. “I owe you a kiss.”

  “You want to kiss me?”

  I glanced around and saw that we were standing outside of the crowded fair. Not wanting my first kiss with this stranger to be interrupted by a screaming kid running past us, I pulled him farther outside of the fair. Behind the tents set up for games, I pulled him down next to me on a green metal bench and leaned closer to him.

  “You paid for a kiss and I owe you a kiss. It’s only right.” I swallowed as nerves threatened to ruin my plans.

  He smiled then, and as his hand slowly trailed up my arm, I knew I was about to experience magic. “You saved your first kiss for a long time. Are you sure you want to give it to me?”

  His hand was already cupping my face and pulling me closer. My breath caught as our eyes met so close. “Kiss me.”

  His lips brushed mine so softly at first that I wanted to scream. I opened my eyes, desperate to see if he was pulling away after such a gentle kiss, and found his eyes still open, watching me. I’d waited nearly eighteen years to kiss someone and I refused to let him tease me with a playground kiss and leave me dying for more. Whatever I wrote in my journal that night, it was going to be good.

  I grabbed his shoulders and pressed my mouth to his harder. He made a sound that was a mix between a laugh and a groan and it made me a little crazy. I watched TV. I saw my friends make out with their boyfriends. I’d felt turned on and I’d touched myself before, but nothing compared to the feelings the mystery man was causing in me. Maybe it was a little wild for my first kiss, but I didn’t care. I climbed into his lap and stroked my tongue over his lips. I wanted to taste him.

  His hands settled on my hips and I wrapped my arms around his neck, thinking he was going to push me away. Instead, he dragged my body closer to his and groaned into my mouth. “Too much?”

  I loved the feeling of his lips moving over mine, the feeling of his tongue stroking mine. I didn’t want to stop kissing him to answer and I figured he got the point. I felt my t-shirt ride up and his fingers on the bare skin at my side. It was electric and I suddenly got it. I got what my mom’s romance novels were all about. I got what my friends meant when they talked about sex.

  He hardened under me and I gasped at the feeling of it, pressing into my inner thighs. He shifted and apologized against my mouth but I pressed my weight into him and a breathy moan escaped my bruised lips at the feeling of his hardness against me.

  He kissed down my jaw and the feeling of his mouth sucking at the skin under my ear made my hips rock forward on him. I didn’t think about him marking my skin or anything else but how right his mouth felt. I ran my hands through his hair and tugged at it. He pressed his mouth to my ear and nipped me with his teeth before rushing out a whispered question. “What’s your name, sweet girl?”

  I opened my mouth to answer when movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. I pulled away from my mystery guy when I realized I was staring at Mallory and she looked panicked.

  She looked even more panicked as she saw me sitting on top of a random guy. “We have to go, right now! Your mom called Jenny’s mom and they know you lied. My mom’s freaking out, too.”

  My stomach dropped. My mom was going to murder me. I climbed off of my mystery guy and winced when I looked down at him and saw him doing his best to hide the state of his pants. A wild grin broke out across my lips and I leaned down to kiss him once more. “Best first kiss ever.”

  He grabbed my hand before I could pull away. “What’s your name?”

  “Come on! If our mom’s talk to each other, they’ll make each other angrier!” Mallory’s eyes filled with tears. “I’m going to be so grounded.”

  “Wait!” Mystery guy stood up and pulled me closer. “Your name.”

  The moment of clarity had vanished and in its place was a moment of hazy magic. I felt wild and free and wanted to stay that way. I grinned up at him. “Meet me here tomorrow and I’ll tell you.”

  He moved to kiss me but Mallory grabbed my other arm and tugged me away. His eyes stayed glued to mine. “I’ll be here. I promise.”

  As our fingers slipped apart, I turned and ran with Mallory, my smile cemented on my face. It wasn’t until I was in Mallory’s car with her speeding back towards our home town that I thought about what I’d done. Why hadn’t I gotten his name or given him mine? What the heck was I thinking?

  “Your parents are going to freak out when they see you if you don’t hide that hickey, Ada.” Mallory glanced over at me and laughed. “You skank. Who was that?”

  I flipped the visor mirror down and screamed when I saw myself. “I need makeup. Where’s your makeup, Mallory?!”

  “I didn’t bring it!”

  I rubbed at the hickey on my neck and groaned. “I’m so dead.”

  “Yeah, your parents are never going to let you leave the house again.”

  It wasn’t until my parents grounded me and then wouldn’t budge the next night, no matter how much I begged and cried that I realized how much I’d messed up. They wouldn’t let me go, even for what I was sure was love, and my mystery guy was never going to see me again.

  *

  I woke with a start, heart pounding over a recurring dream of a memory a decade old. My chest rose and fell too fast, my panties were damp, and the strange sense of loss was still as present as ever.

  9

  ***Ada***

  Milo and I arrived at breakfast bright and early. We met Chef David at the kitchen island and were promptly directed to sit in the dining room to be served. I took Milo’s hand and we walked into the dining room together. The massive wooden table was large enough to feed a family of fifteen and it felt too formal for a simple breakfast. Plus, there wasn’t a booster seat for Milo.

  I looked down at the still sleepy boy and frowned. He was still in his pajamas and he rubbed at his eyes before looking up at me and lifting his arms for me to pick him up. Which, of course, I did. Holding him in my arms, I walked back into the kitchen and smiled brightly at David. He seemed taken aback to see me again.

  “I think Milo and I are going to eat breakfast in here. That table is a little intimidating.” I pulled out one of the stools across from the man and sat down on it with Milo still in my arms. “Do you need any help? I’m not the best cook ever but I can handle toast. I pour a mean glass of juice, too.”

  David frowned at me. “What are you doing?”

  I laughed. “Are all of you men cranky in this house?”

  He scoffed. “What? No. I’m not… I just… Fine. You can eat here.”

  “Thank you!” I glanced up as Collin came into the kitchen like a big gray cloud. “Good morning!”

  His steps faltered and he stared at me like he couldn’t quite make sense of what he was seeing. Before he could put his thoughts together, two boys trailed in behind him. They both looked like they were still asleep and they grabbed plates of food without ever noticing me.

  I was one of those gross morning people once I got up and got going. My voice was a little too loud and I sounded a little too chipper as I greeted the boys. “Hi! You must be Andy and Alex. I’m Ada. I’m the new nanny.”

  The twins looked up at me and they both lifted a single hand in a wave before leaving with their plates. I looked from the doorway to Collin and tilted my head at him in a silent question. I knew from the email he’d sent me that the twins were his sons.

  He rolled his bottom lip into his mouth and shook his head. “They’re not morning people.”

  David pushed a plate towards me and a bowl towards Milo. Without waiting for help, Milo reached into the bowl and grabbed a handful of dry cereal. He shoved it into his mouth and munched away, dropping crumbs all over me.

  “He can sit on his own.” Collin frowned at Milo. “He’s too big to be held while he’s eating.”

  I shrugged and kept right on smiling. “Do I hear a hint of jealousy, Collin?”

  David coughed suddenly and I was saved from Collin’s response by a lanky teenage girl appearing. Kendall. Fifteen and absolutely stunning, she stopped short when she saw me and then frowned. It was an exact copy of her father’s frown, who appeared behind her, as if summoned by my thoughts.

  “Hi! I’m Ada, the new nanny.” I dusted Milo’s crumbs off my chest and looked at Joe. “Good morning, Joe. Sit. Eat.”

  If he thought my joke was funny, he didn’t show it. He grimaced, grabbed a plate of food, and then disappeared. Kendall smiled awkwardly at me and did the same. Before I could think of anything else to say, Collin vanished with his breakfast, too.

  I glanced at David. “Was it something I said?”

  He pressed his fist to his mouth and choked on a stifled laugh. His eyes watered and he ended up snorting. “You’re never going to last here and that’s too bad because I think I could like you.”

  I shrugged. “I guess we’ll see.”

  David worked in silence as I talked to Milo about what we were going to do with our day. I complimented David’s cooking and cleaned my plate before attempting to clean up the mess Milo had left behind. I was immediately shut down by David and pushed out of his kitchen.

  It was nice to not have to clean everything for a change but that left me standing in the middle of the house, holding Milo and wondering where everyone had gone. I trailed around the house and finally heard the kids inside their bedrooms, doors closed tight. Milo was growing restless by that point so I carried him back to his room and let him pick out his outfit for the day before leading him outside.

  Milo and I played with a big blue ball in the soft grass for an hour and then we played chase while he shouted my name over and over again. It was lunchtime before I knew it and we sat at the kitchen island again and ate all alone after the Carrington ghosts grabbed their plates and vanished again.

  I’d let Milo sit next to me on his own and as he crunched on chips that I was pretty sure were homemade, I rested my elbows on the counter and stared at David until he sighed and asked me what I wanted.

  “What did the other nannies do?”

  His eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

  I gestured around the kitchen. “Milo is the only kid who sticks around. Did the kids hang around the other nannies?”

  “Not that I can recall. They’re pretty self-sufficient.” He wiped his hands on a clean white towel. “What do you normally do at your jobs? Just do that.”

  I glanced at the countertop and laughed to myself. He’d already taken my job by serving everyone and cleaning up. I glanced over at Milo and held my hands out. “What should we do, Milo?”

  “Aya, play.” He struggled to climb down from the stool and then grabbed my hand. “Come.”

  I grunted. “Of course, even the toddler barks commands like he’s talking to a dog.”

  David raised his eyebrows at me. “Does it work?”

  I smirked. “What do you think?”

  “I think you’re going to be fired by the end of the day.”

  I let him have the last word because I knew something he didn’t know. After sleeping in a cloud and using the handheld water attachment in the shower first thing, I was motivated to stick around.

  10

  ***Ada***

  When I sank into my bed that night, I nodded to myself. I’d successfully finished my first full day as the Carrington nanny and I hadn’t been fired. I’d also barely seen the other kids. I wasn’t sure I was doing my job correctly but unless I dragged the older kids out of their bedrooms, I didn’t see myself getting more facetime with them. I’d barely seen Collin or Joe. I still hadn’t met the third and final brother. Milo and I had existed in the mansion like we were the only two people in the world. It was a lot.

  I’d driven myself to their estate to rip them a new one and that anger still lingered. I didn’t like them and seeing the way they interacted with their children made me think I was right to not like them. They didn’t spend any time with their kids. They didn’t eat together, they didn’t even speak really. It wasn’t right. They treated their own kids like they’d treated me at the diner.

  Between the anger and the boredom, I made a decision to seek out more of that justice I’d felt the first day while sitting in Collin’s office. I wanted to mess with the brothers. I wanted to drive them mad. It only seemed fair. It wasn’t like me to covertly mess with someone but I couldn’t let the Carrington brothers continue living their unbothered lives. I wouldn’t.

  I had the same dream about the fair that night and I woke up with my hand pressed between my thighs. Frustration drove me into the shower and I used the showerhead to come again so I could get back in bed and go back to sleep for a few more hours. My mystery guy hadn’t shown up multiple nights in a row in years but he was back with a vengeance. In my dream, his face had changed over the years. I wasn’t really sure what he looked like anymore, except for his eyes. They had to be as beautiful as ever.

  I checked on Milo after waking up early that morning and went down to the kitchen once I saw he was still sleeping. David was at the range, flipping pieces of bacon when I walked into the kitchen. He tossed a quick look at me over his shoulder and then did a double-take.

  I quirked an eyebrow at him as I leaned against the fridge with a bright smile on my face. I was planning on being sneaky and I needed him to look at me less if I was going to succeed. “What?”

  He looked down the length of my body and cleared his throat. “Nothing.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “You can’t just look at me like that and then say nothing! What is it?”

  “I just didn’t expect the nightgown.” He turned his attention back to the bacon and laughed. “You don’t like to keep up with the trends, huh?”

  I scoffed as I bunched the extra material of my nightgown in my hand. “This is trendy.”

  “Where? At a nursing home?”

  “It’s comfortable.” I opened the fridge and saw that there was already a pitcher of freshly squeezed orange juice. I knew it was freshly squeezed because that was what the diner had to keep on hand just for the times the Carringtons came in. Their breakfast was a science. I’d noticed that even at their home, they ate exactly the same thing as they did at the diner. They were creatures of habit and that made them easy targets.

  “I guess it’s fine. I just… You’re young. I thought you’d dress a little more age appropriate.” The back of his ears turned red. “Not that I think you should come down here in a tiny nightgown or anything.”

  I turned the salt shaker I’d sneakily grabbed upside down over the pitcher and laughed at David. “You don’t understand how comfortable these nightgowns are. I could run a marathon in this thing and feel great afterward. It’s roomy. It’s stretchy and super soft. Maybe it takes away an idea of my waist but what do I care?”

  “There’s also the Crocs…” David kept his eyes on the stove, thankfully. “Matilda came down here every morning dressed like a supermodel.”

 

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