Touch becoming more, p.1
Touch: Becoming More, page 1
Touch
S. L. Jones
Copyright © 2022 by S. L. Jones
All rights reserved.
No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher or author, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law.
Cover Art by SelfPubBookCovers.com/ DesignzbyDanielle
Contents
1. Therapy
2. Day 1, Who am I?
3. Day 8, Fantasies & Desires
4. Day 15, Contract
5. Day 22, Massage
6. Day 22, Post-Massage
7. Day 23, Clutter
8. Day 24, Sensual Touch
9. Day 25, Body Image
10. Day 26, Sex
11. Day 27, Broken Trust
12. Day 27, Beauty
13. Day 27, Dinner Date
14. Day 27, Friends
15. Day 27, Love
16. Day 28, Future
17. Day 28, Mating Marks
18. Day 28, Ryan’s Gift
19. Day 29, Leap of Faith
Epilogue
About The Author
Chapter one
“He is a sex therapist, Mara. Not a gigolo!”
Sora’s voice rang out, stopping every conversation in the very crowded deli.
Thank you very much, bitch.
I ducked my face, feeling it burn with embarrassment. Heck, even my eyes started filling with unshed tears, because, of course, I was one of those few people who cried when embarrassed.
I knew everyone was staring at us. At me. I seriously wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear.
Why had she said that? I never said her recommended therapist was a gigolo! The fact he was a sex therapist was bad enough. Now everyone would think I needed one. Which I did. I just didn’t want anyone to know!
Sora sighed and waved a hand in the air. “Sorry, Mara. I didn’t mean to say that so loud.”
Her voice dropped to a normal volume, one that only I could hear over the hum of the shop that had restarted once more.
It was weird, though. It was like her gesture had some sort-of magical powers. People turned away from us, going back to their conversations and meals. It was almost as if Sora had made them forget what she had said just moments before. I stared, my embarrassment dissipating as I watched them ignore us once again.
Turning back to my friend, I frowned.
“Oops. Forget that just happened.” She picked up a French fry and ate it, staring at me. “To get back to what we were talking about, he’s not a gigolo, Mara. Not an escort or a prostitute or any weird and negative thing you were thinking he might be. He’s just a sex therapist. He deals with people who have sexual issues. Like you. You have sexual issues.”
I shook my head, my dark, curly hair falling into my face, hiding it from her. I couldn’t say anything right now.
Carefully pushing my plate away from me, I put my elbows on the table and dropped my head into my hands, wondering how I had gotten here. How had we gotten onto this subject in the first place?
Picking up another fry, she dipped it into her ketchup before pointing it at me.
“You haven’t had sex in years. I’m not even sure if you know what sex is!” She shoved the whole fry into her mouth, chewing aggressively.
“I know what it is! Jeez, Sora, I have two grown kids. I had to have sex to have them.” The words came out muffled with my head down, my fingers massaging my aching forehead.
“Not post-kids, just-for-fun, adult-only sex.” She waited until I glanced up at her, startled, before she winked at me, taking a sip of her vanilla milkshake.
Hah! Was there even such a thing? I focused on my plate, the sight of the grilled Reuben sandwich sitting in front of me causing my stomach to churn. I had only taken one bite of it, but I just couldn’t eat it now.
Sora, as usual, knew what I was thinking. “Take it to go. And remind me again... How old is Stephen now?”
My youngest was twenty-six and my best friend damn well knew this. She was his godmother, in fact.
I shot her a glare as I picked up my plate, standing to take the barely touched sandwich over to the counter to get one of the to-go containers.
Leaning down, I whispered, “Just because you and Thomas fuck like little bunnies all the time, doesn’t mean that everyone wants that.”
Standing up, I strode over to the counter, my head held up.
“You do, though, Mara. You do.” Her soft words followed behind me, somehow able to be heard over all the noise.
She was right. I did. I really did. I just didn’t know anyone I trusted enough to let go like that.
I could feel my face flushing as I handed my plate over to the teen behind the counter, barely watching as she quickly slid the sandwich and fries into a cardboard container before placing it into a brown bag. She handed it to me, not meeting my gaze once.
I smiled my thanks to her, but she had already turned away to handle another customer request. Sighing, I made my way back to our table.
Sora had finished her last fry, walking over to the large green bins to throw her trash away. She returned to the table, her hands on her lower back, stretching backwards while groaning a little. I studied her. She looked to be gaining a little weight around the middle, but I wouldn’t say anything to her about it. Nope. Not going to be that friend. If it bothered her, she knew what she could do about it. God knows, we had met in a gym, both of us trying to lose the pounds that had crept up on us over the years.
Thomas obviously loved her just the way she was, so no worries for her there.
She met the man six months ago when she had tried therapy. The instant lust between the two of them had turned quickly into love and marriage. Fairy tale sort of stuff that might happen between a male therapist and the female patient, but not in real life. Not usually.
I snorted. Those types of things never happened to me. In fact, before Sora, I thought they only happened in some author’s romance book.
Sora picked up her purse and shoved her arm through mine, pulling me to the door. “Let’s walk for a few minutes. I have some news to tell you.”
I groaned. “Don’t tell me you are pregnant!” This was a running joke between us whenever one of us stated we had "news" for the other.
A small smile touched her lips. “Okay, I won’t tell you that.” She pressed her lips closed, but a glimmer of light still shone in her eyes.
The bitch knew me too well. I wouldn’t fall for it this time, though. I wouldn’t ask. She couldn’t be pregnant, anyway. I knew what her doctor had told her years ago. With her history, she would never have kids. Which was part of the reason she had gone to see Thomas. To work on her feelings about that and the fact that sex was painful for her.
No, she was just playing with me now.
We walked into the park across the street from the deli, both of us quiet. It was a really nice day for once. The sun was warm on our faces and the breeze was just a touch of cool air. The grass was a vibrant green, given all the rain we had been having, and the flowers were growing in the newly mulched beds. I loved this time of the year.
I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, letting the quiet settle comfortably around us. I didn’t want to be the first one to disturb this peace.
I only made it halfway across the small area before I broke, though, rolling my eyes at my friend. “Okay, what did you want to tell me?”
Sora giggled, looking everywhere but at me. “I knew you couldn’t last. But I would have told you in a minute, anyway. I just wanted to let you know I am quitting my job. Tomorrow is my last day.”
I stopped, my arm sliding out from under hers. Turning to her, I stared, feeling a little faint. She reached up and closed my mouth with two fingers, a small smile curving her lips.
All I could think was that she was leaving tomorrow! Wait, we typically gave a two-week notice, which meant... A frown touched my brow as I glared at her. She had put in her resignation weeks ago, but was just telling me this now? How many others had known and hadn’t thought to tell me? I could feel the frown deepen on my face as I glared at her.
“Mara, I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to mope. Or panic. Or do something stupid, like quit in solidarity. You and I both know you might have done one of those things—or thought of doing one of them—the whole two weeks. I am not moving away. I’m not running away from anything. I will still be around so we can have our girls’ nights or go shopping. I just won’t be in the office with you every day, Monday through Friday.” She said this gently, as if trying to talk down a psychopath.
It worked. My brain freeze eased as I tried to come up with the right words people said in times like this. But what came out of my mouth was not what I intended to say.
“What am I going to do without you?” I wailed quietly.
“Mara, you will survive. You are a strong woman. You like your job. I didn’t. We will still see each other. And it’s not like we see each other much during the day, given how busy we are.”
Noticing a nearby bench beneath a large oak tree, I absently wandered over to it and sat down, my butt on its edge. I stared at the ground, my thoughts circling.
“Thomas?” I tried not to sound accusatory, but I couldn’t help it. I know it did.
Sora heard every question I couldn’t ask in that one name. She sat down beside me, taking my hand.
“Thomas didn’t pressure me, Mara. He isn’t like your ex. This is not like that. We are going to start a business together. Well, I am going to start it and he is going to help. Mostly with the finances. He still wants to practice therapy. You know he changed his specialty so he can work with children, and he loves it. They love him. And he is doing so much good with them.”
And with her. The love that radiated from her caused something deep inside me to ache. I wanted someone to love me like that. Unfortunately, I didn’t think another man like Thomas existed. At least not for me.
He was like those werewolf or shifter books where there was a fated mate. Or some alien from outer–space who came here for his one true love. But I had met the man. He wasn’t a shifter or an alien. He was as human as Sora and me.
I focused on my friend.
Sora had blossomed under Thomas’s love and care. He had smoothed out her rough edges, and there were now some interesting aspects rising to the surface. Like this entrepreneur stuff. She had never wanted to start a business before. At least, she had never mentioned it to me.
No, she had seemed comfortable working for someone else, not moving up on the corporate ladder.
″What kind of business?” I kept my tone light as I watched her.
“A high-class restaurant and bar. We purchased this land out in the mountains and we are renovating the house that was there. It is going to be incredible.”
The excitement in her voice said it all. A high-class—which meant expensive—restaurant and bar. A place neither of us could afford to go. Well, not before Thomas came into her life. I realized what this meant.
She had moved beyond me.
Yes, she would probably still talk with me every so often. But the intervals would be less and less. Until we would only exchange cards at birthdays and Christmases. Then that, too, would disappear.
I stood, briskly brushing off my pants. “Well.”
Sora stood as well, leaning in to hug me once again. I could see she was trying to determine what I was thinking right now. I didn’t want her to know how jealous I was. I wouldn’t ruin her plans or dreams. No, this was her time to fly.
“I am not leaving you, Mara.” She grabbed my shoulders, shaking me slightly. Her voice was fierce.
I laughed lightly, patting her hand before stepping away from her. “I know, Sora. We will see each other. And call and text. It won’t be that much different from how it is now.” I tried to hide the lie in my words, not wanting her to see my true feelings.
She held onto my arm. “Mara.” She hesitated and then blurted out. “Mara, that therapist I was talking about? He is a friend of Thomas’s. He also isn’t really a sex therapist. Or at least that is not the only thing he could work with you on. He is a regular therapist who works on all of a person’s issues. He treats your whole mind and body. Like your craving for touch. He can help you with that. And then there are those fantasies that you want to play out before you get too old—I think he can give you pointers there as well.”
My eyes widened. She hadn’t told Thomas about those, had she? Those had been confidential discussions while we had been drunk and half asleep years ago. They weren’t for sharing with anyone else.
She shook her head, her silky hair moving against her neck. “No, I didn’t tell Thomas about those, silly. But his friend talks to people about things like that and helps them to figure out what they mean for them. And he may know a way for you to explore one or two of them safely, if you really want to.” She gave me a wink, a twinkle in her eyes.
She reached up and tapped the space between my brows. Damn it! Frown lines. I cleared my face, exhaling slowly.
Sora continued, her hands falling to her sides. “I am sorry if I crossed some boundary, but you aren’t growing beyond your divorce. And that happened fifteen years ago! First it was the kids, then it was all the bills and expenses you have. But the kids grew up and left your house. You are now concentrating on lowering your expenses and are making headway in paying off your house. It’s time for you. Live a little. Try something out. Try this. If you feel horrible—that it’s not right for you—Thomas will kick ass and take no names in your honor.”
She smiled tentatively before pulling the business card out of her purse again, handing it to me. “I’ve got to go. Don’t forget, we have that large client meeting in thirty minutes.”
She waved one hand in the air and strode off towards our office building, her hair swishing with her walk. I watched as men—and women too—watched her as she walked past them, their eyes admiring. Since Thomas came along, she was full of energy and light.
And still my best friend.
I looked down at the white card in my hand. FCT Therapists. Someone had etched a number into the thick paper without an ink overlay, as if you had to feel for it if you wanted to call them. Or perhaps you could only call them if you could determine what the number was.
Looking up at the blue sky, I sighed. A therapist. Perhaps I should go. What could it hurt?
Dropping my gaze, I focused on the building my friend had gone into, walking towards it slowly. Something inside me didn’t want to go back in the building. I wanted to turn and run away. Anywhere but back into my dull life once again.
But while my soul wanted to fly free, my feet just took me forward, up to the glass office doors. On towards the crowded elevator that shot me to the fifth floor, where my desk and the next boring meeting waited.
Chapter two
Day 1, Who am I?
I am standing on a cliff, looking down into the darkness below me.
I walked into the room, my mouth dry. I was doing it.
Me. I was going to see a therapist.
I halted, my breath leaving my lips in shallow pants. I rubbed my clammy hands against my skirt, the cloth suddenly feeling rough to my touch.
A muffled voice sounded from my right side. “Hello. Do you have an appointment?”
I turned and looked at the woman sitting behind the glass window, as if she needed something between her and the rest of the crazies that entered this room.
Like me.
She looked back at me with just the right amount of concern, except her eyes were lacking something. I couldn’t tell if she was younger or older than me; she had that timeless look that some women possessed. Her hair was a medium brown that matched her eyes. She wore black glasses with rectangular lenses. Functional but plain. Nothing to reveal anything about who she really was.
I exhaled and walked over to the window. The sooner I get this started, the sooner it would be over.
She reached up one hand with several large, glittery rings on it, opening a small window in the glass so she could speak with me.
I cleared my throat briefly. “Yes. I do. My name is Mara Edison.”
I stopped, uncertain. I wasn’t sure which therapist I was going to see. I had only called yesterday and had been told there was an opening today that I could have if I wanted it.
I hadn’t even questioned that. I frowned, thinking back. How could there be an opening so soon? Was this a new place? Or was it a new therapist, one so wet behind the ears I could smell the ink on his diploma? Doubt filled my mind once again.
“Please sit. The doctor will be with you shortly.” The woman looked down at an appointment book and made a notation before shutting the window with a decisive click.
Well. Definitely not the friendly type.
And that was weird. No paperwork? No co-pay? Did the doctor handle those things himself or herself?
I chuckled nervously. There hadn’t been a name on the card. I couldn’t remember when I had made the appointment, if someone had told me I would see a woman or a man. I had walked into this thing pretty blind.
Well, I was here. Might as well make the most of it.
I moved towards a chair, sitting down slowly, looking around the waiting room. I crossed my legs, bouncing my top leg for a few minutes, before crossing them the other way.
The room was like every other waiting room, with its green paisley carpet complementing the sage green walls. The black leather chairs were buttery soft, though, implying success and inviting people to sink into them. To stay awhile.
Okay, maybe this was not quite like every other waiting room. Perhaps it was more like a waiting room for a highly successful and very expensive practice.
Darn, how expensive were these sessions going to be? Sora hadn’t mentioned that, but I knew back when she had started her therapy, she didn't have money for luxuries. She had been worse off than I ever had been. I, at least, had a nest egg, but I hadn’t been planning on using it for therapy.
