‘Woah,’ Gita said after I had spilled my guts to her and Emily. It was after work and we were at the bar opposite the office again. We’d all stayed late to make sure all our work was finished then headed here for wine. It was much busier as it was Friday night but we’d found a corner table by the window, and I had told them how I really knew Noah. I couldn’t bring myself to admit to the kiss outside the bookshop though. We had both agreed it had been a mistake so I had to try to forget all about it, no matter how hard that might prove to be.

  ‘You can’t tell anyone though,’ I begged.

  ‘Well, of course not,’ Emily said, waving her hand. ‘I knew there was something in the air between you two. Sexual tension.’

  I snorted. ‘Just tension more like.’

  ‘So, when you walked in that first day…’

  I nodded. ‘I had no idea my new boss was my ex-boyfriend. And it’s so hard to focus on this new job working with him.’

  ‘Well, he’s more of a dick than I first thought if he dumped you,’ Emily said.

  ‘Yes,’ Gita agreed. ‘You were the best thing that happened to him.’

  ‘How do you know that?’ I asked with an appreciative laugh.

  Gita waved her hand. ‘It’s obvious. I see the way he looks at you; it’s like he knows it too.’

  ‘I don’t think so,’ I said, wishing she was right about that. ‘But he has said some things… and the bookshop where we met? He bought it. He said he didn’t want it to disappear.’

  ‘Oh, that’s romantic,’ Emily said dreamily. ‘Who knew our big bad boss had such a sweet, sentimental side to him?’

  ‘You’re supposed to be giving me a pep talk to forget him,’ I reminded her. It was such a beautiful gesture though. Damn it. I buried my head in my hands. ‘I can’t believe the universe has done this to me.’

  ‘What will you do?’ Gita asked.

  ‘I keep telling myself I only have to stay for six months and get this experience on my CV then I can look for another publishing job.’

  ‘Solid plan,’ Emily said, nodding along. ‘And we will be joining you if things don’t get better. I’m sorry, Stevie. It must suck working with your ex.’

  ‘It really does suck,’ I agreed, draining the remainder of my wine glass.

  ‘But everyone in the office loves you and hates him so everyone is on your side even though they don’t know it,’ Gita said. ‘And I bet Noah regrets running off to New York. Seeing you again must have made him see what a mistake he made.’

  I smiled. ‘You’re too sweet. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t hope that was the case, but I don’t think it is. Noah is so stressed at work that I doubt he’s even thinking about me.’

  I didn’t like how annoyed that made me feel. I wanted him to be thinking about me as much as I was about him, I couldn’t lie.

  ‘He seems pretty worried about his father coming over,’ Gita observed.

  ‘I never met him,’ I said. ‘I don’t understand why Noah wants to work with him if he’s that bad though.’

  Emily shrugged. ‘Family pressure maybe. I guess we have to help and make it go well but after hearing your story, I kind of want to sabotage it,’ she said with a mischievous grin.

  ‘We’d only be sabotaging ourselves though,’ Gita pointed out.

  ‘I suppose so,’ Emily huffed.

  ‘Let’s hope we make it out the other side,’ I said. I smiled at them. ‘I’m glad I told you both. I thought that I should keep it a secret but it’s really hard working with him every day.’

  ‘Of course it is,’ Emily said. ‘I’d hate to even see any of my exes, let alone have them as my bloody boss! You are a braver woman than me, Stevie, and we are now a team, okay? We will get through this together and in six months, we’ll find amazing new jobs and stick both fingers up at Noah on our way out.’

  We clinked glasses to that but I knew it would be far easier said than done.

  Monday morning arrived and I woke up an hour before my alarm after a restless night, nerves high for the morning ahead. It felt important to impress Mr Matthews. And I got the distinct feeling he was not an easy man to impress. At least he knew nothing about mine and Noah’s past. We’d never met before. I was nothing to him but a member of staff. And I knew I could do this job. I needed to be confident and get through this.

  I put on the dress that made me feel the most capable and the headband my parents got me for Christmas for good luck. And I stopped off for an iced latte on the way in for a caffeine kickstart.

  Good luck! You’ve got this! I’m still cheering you on! xxx

  I smiled at the message from Liv. I’d told her what was happening today when we had coffee at the weekend, and she reminded me that however nervous I was, Noah would be feeling much worse, and that was true; he had everything riding on this. I knew we had to put our situation to one side, and that was actually a relief.

  When I walked in, Emily rushed out of the office floor and met me in reception. She looked frantic. Not a great start to the morning.

  ‘Have you heard anything from Noah?’

  ‘No, why?’ I checked the time. It was ten to eight. We were all supposed to be in by 8 a.m. I would have thought Noah would have been the first one in.

  ‘He’s not here,’ she hissed. ‘But his father is. And we thought Noah was bad tempered…’ She shook her head. ‘Anyway, where the hell is he?’

  ‘Has anyone called him?’

  ‘No, we didn’t think of that!’ Emily tutted. ‘Of course we have, and emailed, but nothing. His father is waiting in his office and looks pissed.’

  I leaned past her and saw everyone in the office standing around nervously.

  I really didn’t want to say what I was about to, but I sighed. ‘I could check his flat, I suppose.’

  ‘Are you sure?’ she asked. ‘Will it be too awkward?’

  ‘I’m not sure we have any choice,’ I said reluctantly.

  ‘It makes no sense him not being here.’

  ‘No, it doesn’t.’ I bit my lip, wondering if I should be worried. ‘Okay, tell Mr Matthews that we think there’s been a mix up and Noah went to the airport to pick him up,’ I said, turning back to the lift.

  ‘Good thinking! Text me as soon as you find him!’

  I stepped into the lift. ‘I will.’

  Emily gave me a wave as the door shut.

  I was confused. Noah had been so stressed about his father coming to the office, so where the hell was he? I walked out of the building and flagged down a taxi. On my salary, I would usually either walk or take the Tube but this was an emergency. I gave the driver Noah’s address that I still knew off by heart, and we set off towards the river.

  Noah’s flat was in a plush, modern building overlooking the Thames, and yes, he lived in the penthouse. I don’t know why I hadn’t twigged there was more to his family than he’d told me as soon as I went there but I guess the cliché is true – love really is blind.

  Walking into the lobby, I saw with relief that the concierge I knew was still there. I had practically lived here once and seen this man a lot, and he had rung me about a parcel, but that had been five years go so I wasn’t sure if he would still recognise my face.

  ‘I don’t know if you remember me⁠—’

  ‘Stevie!’ He beamed. ‘Of course I remember you. Are you here to see Mr Matthews? You must be so happy he’s back.’

  I forced on a smile. ‘Yes, is it okay to go up?’

  ‘You’re always on the green list,’ he said cheerfully. ‘Go on up, and it’s good to see you!’

  I thanked him and headed to the lift. My heart was pounding in my chest as I rode up to the penthouse. My mind flashed back to all the times I’d stayed in this flat. I had actually thought Noah was going to ask me to move in when he’d said he had something important to talk about. But then he’d told me he was moving to New York without me.

  The doors opened then, and I was in front of his door. I couldn’t believe I was having to do this but I thought about all my colleagues and knew they needed Noah there.

  I took a breath and rapped on his front door.

  18

  ‘Noah? It’s Stevie. Why aren’t you at work?’ I called through his front door when there was no response to my knock. ‘Your father is there! And everyone is freaking out so I came to find you…’

  I heard a weak noise followed by a cough.

  ‘Noah?’ I said through the door. I heard another cough. He was definitely in there but clearly not coming to the door. So I turned the handle and it opened up, thankfully. I walked in and called his name. I heard a weak sound again so I turned and headed for his bedroom.

  I stopped in the doorway. Noah was in bed, the bedding all messy around him like he’d had a restless night. The curtains were drawn, shutting out all light. He was on his back, his top half uncovered, flashing his bare chest. His eyes were shut. On the bedside table were piles of tissues and on the floor was a smashed glass. ‘Noah?’ I said.

  He opened one eye and groaned. ‘Why is it so loud in here?’ His voice was weak and hoarse.

  ‘Um, it’s completely silent.’

  ‘No, roadworks,’ he said, lifting one hand to his head. ‘Pound, pound, pound. And there is no water.’

  ‘I think you dropped it,’ I said, looking at the broken glass. ‘Does your head hurt?’

  Noah coughed and rolled over onto his side. He pulled the covers up and opened his eyes fully. ‘Everything hurts. Have I fallen?’

  ‘No, I think you have the flu.’

  His eyes widened as he looked at me in the doorway. ‘Stevie?’ Then he shook his head. ‘I’m dreaming again. You are in the bookshop and I bought you a book.’

  ‘Oh, shit,’ I said. He really was out of it. ‘Close your eyes again, rest; I’m coming back.’

  ‘That’s what you always say then I wake up,’ Noah mumbled, rolling onto his back again and coughing.

  I left his room and walked into the open-plan kitchen area. My whole flat could fit into just this part. It was a dream kitchen. I tried not to think about how I once saw myself living here. There was no point in thinking about that now. Onwards and upwards. I grabbed a glass and filled it with water then looked in a couple of cupboards until I found a dustpan and brush. I hurried back into his room. ‘Noah, you need to drink this. Sit up,’ I said, walking to the bed.

  ‘Can’t,’ he moaned.

  ‘You can. Here.’ I reached behind him to pull up a pillow. Noah groaned but managed to prop his elbow on it and lift his head up. I handed him the water as he opened his eyes and looked at me but I wasn’t sure if he had grasped whether I was really here or not. ‘And these.’ I passed him two paracetamol tablets I’d had in my bag and watched as he dutifully swallowed with the water. It made him cough but he did it then he flopped back down with a heavy sigh.

  I cleared up the broken glass then went back out into the kitchen to throw it away, then I remembered everyone at the office was panicking so I put my phone on speaker and called Emily.

  ‘Stevie, please tell me you found him?’ Emily hissed into the phone.

  ‘Yes, and he’s ill. Looks like the flu. He can’t come in. He’s half-delirious with it.’

  ‘You are fucking kidding me!’

  ‘Afraid not. Put me through to speak to Mr Matthews and the rest of you carry on with work,’ I instructed as I went to look in Noah’s fridge. It was empty save for some fruit and vegetables, and two bottles of wine. But I spotted lemon and ginger so I grabbed those and put the kettle on.

  ‘I love you,’ she said as she put my call through to Noah’s office.

  His father gruffly picked up the phone. ‘Matthews.’

  ‘Hi, Mr Matthews, my name is Stephanie Phillips. I work with your son,’ I said in my politest voice as I made Noah’s hot drink.

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘I’m at Noah’s flat. He’s caught the flu and can’t get out of bed.’

  Mr Matthews tutted. ‘Are you serious?’

  ‘Deadly. But I’m sure you’ll find everyone at the office really helpful if you need anything, or did you want to come and see Noah?’

  ‘I don’t want to catch it,’ he replied. ‘Tell him to call me tonight and I expect to see him tomorrow before I fly back.’

  He hung up.

  ‘The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree then,’ I muttered as I fixed Noah a hot lemon and ginger drink. I added a drop of honey to it too then carried the mug into Noah’s bedroom. ‘Noah?’ I said softly as his eyes were closed again.

  He opened his eyes. ‘Stevie, am I dreaming again?’

  ‘No, I’m really here. I made you another drink. You sound so hoarse.’

  ‘I dropped my water,’ he said weakly.

  ‘It’s okay, I cleared it up.’ It sounded like he hadn’t been able to get up for more water so no wonder his voice sounded so bad. He needed fluids. ‘Drink this, okay? Can you try sitting again?’

  I lifted Noah’s pillows up and helped him to sit up. The duvet slipped again and his bare chest was on show. This was definitely not the time to notice those ripped abs I remembered but I was only human. ‘Here you go,’ I said, averting my eyes and passing him the hot drink.

  He took a sip. ‘I can’t believe you’re really here. How?’

  ‘Well, you didn’t turn up to work to see your father so everyone was worried. I came to find you,’ I replied.

  His eyes widened. ‘Oh my God. My father,’ he croaked.

  ‘I’ve sorted it, don’t worry. Just rest. And drink all of that, okay?’ I turned to go.

  ‘Stevie,’ he said, sounding pained.

  I glanced back. ‘Don’t talk, save your throat.’

  ‘But I don’t want…’ He coughed and had more of the tea. ‘I don’t want you to go,’ he managed to finish, leaning back against the pillows.

  ‘It’s okay, I won’t,’ I found myself promising. I couldn’t not. He seemed so helpless and had clearly struggled on his own being so poorly. ‘But you have nothing in so let me pop out and bring you some things to help. I won’t be long.’

  ‘What a dream,’ I heard him murmur as I left the bedroom. I hoped the paracetamol and fluids would help soon as he still sounded like he couldn’t grasp me actually being there. Although, it did feel somewhat surreal to me too.

  I left the flat and went to the supermarket over the road. I messaged Emily to tell her what I’d told his father and that I’d be in soon once Noah seemed okay to be left.

  Stay there. His father is on the warpath! Just come in tomorrow with Noah. And don’t catch it!

  Then she sent loads of crossed finger emojis.

  I wasn’t worried about catching it; I had a good immune system like my dad. My mum would constantly have colds but we seemed to avoid them so hopefully I’d be fine. And it was a relief Emily suggested I stay because I didn’t want to leave him alone just yet. He had nothing in the flat, no one to help, and I knew he’d be worried about not seeing his father. I had twenty-four hours to help him feel better.

  Rushing around the shop, I grabbed everything I thought would help Noah feel better then headed back up to his flat. I peeped in and he’d fallen back asleep but he had drunk all of the hot lemon and ginger drink I’d made so that was good news.

  I unpacked the shopping then started to make a homemade chicken and vegetable soup. Noah’s flat was hooked up to everything so I just needed to ask for some background music and some soft jazz started to play. I even found a spare pair of slippers in the bathroom so I put them on as the kitchen floor was cold.

  I pulled my hair into a messy bun and hummed along to the music as I cooked. I hadn’t made soup from scratch for ages and there was nothing cosier. Cooking had always been relaxing to me and I soon forgot to worry about being in my ex’s flat and just enjoyed the moment.

  The kitchen soon smelt amazing and my stomach rumbled. Outside, the day had turned grey and cloudy and eventually, it started raining.

  While I let the soup simmer, I wandered around Noah’s flat. My eyes were soon drawn to his bookcase in the living room and I couldn’t stop myself from snooping at the books he had on it. When we were together, he’d been a crime junkie and loved non-fiction but now those books were mingled in with some very familiar titles.

  I looked at the pastel-coloured spines of some of my favourite romance novels past and present, a few that were my all-time favourites, ones I’d definitely talked to him about or ones that I’d read in the year we were together. The sight of them gave my heart a jolt. He had hinted he read romance now but I hadn’t realised he read quite so much.

  My heart whispered that maybe they’d reminded him of me but my head told it to shut up. Noah had always been a book lover and now he worked in publishing, he had to read all genres. It didn’t mean it had anything to do with me.

  I hated the hope I felt that maybe it did.

  Turning away from the books, I went back to the soup, which was ready, so I ladled some out into two portions and cut up some crusty bread. I picked up one of the bowls and before taking it in to Noah, held it by the window and snapped a photo with the rain behind.

  Peak cosy vibes

  I captured my photo and posted it on Instagram. Then I carried the tray into the bedroom.

  ‘Lunch time,’ I said as he stirred at my entrance.

  ‘You came back,’ Noah said in wonder. His eyes seemed to be focusing properly now.

  ‘I did, I’m here,’ I said. ‘And I made soup to help you feel better. Can you manage some?’

  He managed to sit himself up and watched as I balanced the tray on his lap. ‘You made this?’ he croaked.

  ‘Yes, and it’s delicious so eat it all. It’ll help. I’ll come back in a bit but shout if you need me.’

  ‘Eat with me,’ Noah said as I turned to go.

  I looked back and saw his hopeful expression. ‘Okay.’ I went back into the kitchen and put my bowl of soup on a tray and took it into his room. I sat down in the boucle chair by Noah’s bed. Noah kept stealing glances at me as he ate as if he still couldn’t believe I was really there. It was making me uncomfortable so I cleared my throat and started talking, my go-to to diffuse tension.

 

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