The plot twist, p.13
The Plot Twist, page 13
I turned back to Gita and Emily. ‘Two questions – do you know a cheap printer? We hardly have any budget left but I’m going to use every last penny they’ve given me. And is there a way to email all staff without Noah, Paul or Mr Matthews seeing it?’
Gita and Emily both grinned back.
I’d never been so fired up. There was no way I was going to let Deborah Day down. Bitten was a brilliant book no matter what Mr Matthews thought, and I was going to prove it.
22
I didn’t speak to Noah for two days. The first, he was holed up with his father in his office and I went home before they left the room. The second day, we all breathed a sigh of relief when Noah came in to work alone and Mr Matthews appeared to have gone back to New York, but Noah didn’t come out of his office. I felt a huge gap had opened up between the two of us and I wasn’t sure if we’d ever build a bridge to close it.
I didn’t open any more of the emails Noah had sent me from New York. I was too angry with how he’d acted in the meeting with me and his father. I was curious about them but it felt like Noah was a different person now so it would only be a kick in the teeth to read them. Based on how he hadn’t supported me, I guessed his illness had been a blip and now he was reverting to his pact of focusing on work. Not us.
And I would do the same.
So, I ploughed on with my idea to promote Bitten for as little money as possible and yes, you could say I was ignoring anything personal to focus on this. I couldn’t solve what was happening or not happening between me and Noah but I was going to solve this work problem.
Avoiding the office, I went straight to Book Nook on Thursday to see Georgina. It was still so strange to think of it as Noah’s bookshop. I walked in and the bell on the door jangled. Georgina turned from where she was shelving books to say hello to me. I was prepared this time for the rush of memories and forced myself to focus on the task in hand.
‘Georgina, I’ve had a somewhat mad publicity idea that I’m hoping you’ll want to come on board with,’ I said, pulling out leaflets I wanted her to put out in the shop.
Georgina grinned. ‘I love mad ideas.’
I told her about how the budget had been cut for Bitten and my plan to make it a bestseller anyway, and her eyes lit up.
‘What do you think?’
‘I love it. I hate how romance readers can be treated as second-class citizens. And that romance books can be seen as less than other genres,’ she said. ‘I will help any way I can.’ She tipped her head to look at me. ‘What does Noah think about this?’
‘Well, he doesn’t know my exact plan,’ I admitted. ‘His father was pretty against us focusing on Bitten so I didn’t want to put him in the position of having to lie to Mr Matthews or anything. But they will both be happy when the profits roll in, right?’
Georgina put my leaflets out on the till desk. ‘I can’t see Noah being against publicising a romance novel; they are his favourite genre, aren’t they? My dad told me he used to devour thrillers but then wanted to buy all the love stories he could get his hands on.’
I thought about the bookshelf I had seen in Noah’s flat. ‘He never used to read romances,’ I agreed. ‘When we were together, I was the romance junkie, not him.’
Georgina raised an eyebrow. ‘Maybe you influenced him more than you knew then.’
‘I suppose I did talk a lot about books with him.’
I could never help myself; if I read a good book, I could wax lyrical about it for days if you let me and Noah always liked to talk about books or come book shopping so maybe he had taken my book reviews more seriously than I’d thought.
‘Well, more men should read romance,’ I said.
‘Preach,’ Georgina agreed. ‘Noah said you two met in here?’
‘We did. It was like something out of a novel. I’d always had this fantasy of meeting someone in a bookshop,’ I said, looking around. ‘It felt like fate or something. But then Noah moved to New York without me. I suppose that’s the problem with life, isn’t it? It isn’t a book. We don’t get a happy ending.’
‘You still might now Noah’s back in London.’
I shook my head. ‘Noah is very different now.’
‘You think?’ Georgina raised a pierced eyebrow. ‘He seems the same to me. Maybe it’s all the stress of work that you’re picking up on. He finds his dad a nightmare to work for, I know. I used to get emails from him at the office in New York at like midnight. I don’t know how he coped with it all.’
I thought about his emails to me and wondered if any of those had been sent at the same time.
‘I kind of cut off contact when he left so I don’t know about his life out there,’ I admitted. I had always pictured Noah as living his best life in NYC. Like a male Carrie Bradshaw swanning around with cocktails and women hanging off his arm. I wasn’t sure how to feel now I knew that wasn’t the case. ‘I blocked him everywhere, to be honest.’
‘I understand. I’m not friends with any of my exes.’
‘Did he tell you about his mum?’ I asked.
She nodded.
‘I had no idea. He left without telling me. I only know now. And I feel terrible that I wasn’t there for him but he didn’t let me.’
‘I think it’s been a rough time,’ she said. ‘His family seems complicated.’
‘Yeah, I just met his dad,’ I replied ruefully.
‘All I know is when Noah told me you were working at his company, I’d never seen him so happy.’
I hated the way my heart soared when she said that.
I shook my head. ‘I was furious.’
Georgina laughed. ‘I don’t blame you. But he’s a good guy. He was there for my family when we had nowhere else to turn. So, I am a big fan.’ She gestured to the leaflets. ‘Noah would want to be part of this, I’m sure.’
I wasn’t as certain. Not after the way he’d backed down so spectacularly with his father, but I thanked Georgina for her help and left the bookshop for my next meeting.
I walked from the Book Nook to the Starbucks opposite our office to meet with Ed Thomas, Deborah’s agent. I spotted him at a table with his laptop. He’d instantly agreed to meet me here, saying he needed a caffeine fix so often he preferred working in coffee shops to working in his office. I sensed a kindred spirit.
‘Thank you for meeting me,’ I said as I sat down in the chair.
‘I’m intrigued. You weren’t making a lot of sense on the phone talking rallies and protests and t-shirts but I agreed when you said we can’t let Debs down,’ he replied with a grin.
‘Well, I’ve had my budget cut for her publicity and marketing campaign,’ I said. His face turned to thunder. ‘I know, I know.’
I briefly explained how the big boss had come over from New York and chosen to give the money to a new thriller instead.
‘I’m going to be honest, I didn’t like the dismissive way he talked about romance books. I reached out to my librarian friend, who’s just as much of a romance fan as me, and we came up with this idea. Everyone at Turn the Pages is on board so all we need is Deborah to agree to join us.’
I proceeded to tell Ed what we were planning.
He whistled. ‘I like it. Bold but fun. A way to get people involved. But how will you keep the focus on Bitten?’
I pulled out my phone and showed him the t-shirt design Emily had knocked up for me.
Ed nodded. ‘I like it. And I think Debs will too. But what will John Matthews say? And Noah? I don’t want them pulling the book or something like that.’
‘They can’t, they’d lose too much money and once we have all this publicity, they wouldn’t dare. Talk about bad press! Are you okay with it being a secret?’
‘I’m all for getting one over John Matthews. I have a friend at the firm in New York and he’s pretty terrible. I know things have been shit for them this past year but they are really making enemies. And Debs deserves this book to be a hit so I say we do it.’
I nodded. ‘Great.’ Then I thought about what he’d said. ‘Things have been bad for Noah and his father?’
I was surprised that he knew about Noah’s mother being ill.
‘Yeah, it was a terrible time and everyone feels so sorry for them, of course, but John Matthews took it so hard, it’s made him lack any empathy when it comes to dealing with people. Not the way to get the best out of your staff, in my book.’ He saw my confused expression. ‘You didn’t know that John’s wife died?’
I sucked in a breath. ‘Noah lost his mum?’
Ed nodded. ‘Just last year. Then they went hell for leather with this takeover. Throwing themselves into work was how they coped, I reckon.’
‘Noah didn’t tell me,’ I said in a small voice. I suddenly felt terrible for attacking him after the meeting with his father.
‘They don’t like talking about it,’ Ed said. ‘Well, if nothing else, you’re trying something different which is what Debs has been pushing for. I think she’ll be on board.’
I was relieved. ‘Good. I’ll see you on Monday then.’
I stood up, my mind on what had happened to Noah. Why hadn’t he told me about his mum?
‘I know I made a joke about it when we first met but Stevie, if it’s a success, you’re going to leave Turn the Pages, aren’t you? Come and work for me, Stevie. I like you. You’re smart, passionate about books and not afraid to do something outside the box.’
‘Let’s see how this goes first,’ I said, smiling. I was flattered, I couldn’t lie, and things at work were definitely not easy.
As I left Starbucks, I thought again about the emails Noah had sent me in New York. Had he said anything about his mum in them?
I pulled out my phone and scrolled to the final email he’d forwarded to me and opened it up. It was dated a year ago. I began to read.
23
Stevie,
I don’t know why I’m still writing to you. Maybe it’s like a diary. It gives me comfort. It’s been four years since I saw you and I thought I wouldn’t write any more. I decided that I was finally over you and I was going to look to the future without us.
But yesterday, my mum died. It’s been a horrible illness. I’ve watched the light leave her slowly and painfully. And I’ve fucking hated every minute of it. But being here and being with her, that’s a decision I’ll never regret. She needed me. And I needed her. We’ve had so much time together. I’ll always be grateful for that. Even if she kept telling me I was working too much. Or that I was crazy to let you go. I know these things are true.
I feel relief that she’s at peace now. But I’ll miss her. And I feel… adrift. Like I lost my purpose, maybe? And so helpless. My father isn’t coping but is pretending it’s all business as usual. He feels unreachable. I know you’d tell me to talk to him. But we just don’t have that relationship you have with your parents. I wish we did. I wish I could tell him how I feel and for him to tell me how he feels in return.
What I do know is my parents loved each other more than maybe I even realised. I saw it this last week they were together. And it’s made me want that more than I ever have before. Stevie, this is my last email because writing to you when you can’t read these letters or write back is making it even harder for me to think about finding that with someone else.
I hope you are happy. I hope you found love. I hope you’re like a character in one of those romance books you loved, and which by the way I’m now hooked on too, and you got your happy ever after.
Goodbye Stevie.
I’m going to try to find mine.
‘No.’ The word flew out of my lips automatically.
I shook my head. No? What was I saying? What was I thinking?
My feet turned towards the office. I had to see Noah. I had to talk to him. That last email. I was gripped by the fear that Noah would find his happy ending with someone else. It was crazy to think that, wasn’t it? But I couldn’t help it. There had to be a reason that neither of us moved on. There had to be a reason that we’d met again.
A tall, dark-haired man in glasses walked past me, head down, the collar of his dark coat pulled up. I did a double take.
‘Noah!’ I called, pushing through people to get to him. He turned towards the river path and I caught up with him there. ‘Wait!’
Breathlessly, I laid a hand on his arm.
‘Stevie?’ He looked for a moment pleased to see me but then his eyes turned hard. ‘I was trying to find you but Emily said you were meeting with Ed Thomas. Were you having a job interview?’
‘No, I wanted to tell Ed about my new publicity idea for Bitten.’
‘And not me?’ He looked hurt.
‘I thought you’d feel obligated to tell your father. And he’d stop me.’
We stared at one another. Noah shook his head. ‘I’m sorry, Stevie, you were right. I should have said more. You know I don’t agree with him about romance books; they are important. They have been important to me. I want Bitten to do well, I really do.’ He sighed. ‘Things are really complicated with my father.’
‘I understand. Noah, I read the last email you sent me.’
‘Oh.’
I gestured to the bench nearby. ‘Can we sit for a minute?’
I led the way and Noah trailed after me and we sat down together.
‘I’m so sorry about your mother,’ I said, reaching out to squeeze his arm. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
Noah looked at my hand. ‘I didn’t want you to feel sorry for me; you shouldn’t after what I did…’ He trailed off and looked out at the river.
‘I feel so bad,’ I said after a moment. ‘I yelled at you the other day about you and your father…’
Noah turned to me. ‘You were right to. I should have said more when we met with him. I want to say more to him. I disagree with him a lot but he’s broken-hearted about my mum. We both are. And I think that he blames me still. For not being at home when she became ill. It’s a mess.’
I saw a tear form in his eye. ‘Noah,’ I said, reaching for him again. There was a hesitancy on both sides but then I wrapped my arm around his shoulder, his settled on my waist and we were embracing. ‘It must have been such a hard few years.’
‘I wished you were with me so many times but then I felt guilty for even thinking it after the way I ended things,’ he whispered into my ear. ‘The only reason I went along with my dad and this takeover was so I’d be back in London again. The place I had been so happy in once.’ He pulled back to look at me, his eyes glistening. ‘I’m a mess, Stevie. I was ill all weekend then there was the hellish meeting with my father. I shouldn’t be putting more on you. But I don’t know. Seeing you again has turned everything upside down.’
‘But you said in that last email that you were ready to move on,’ I said quietly.
‘I was trying to convince myself. I thought I needed to let you go. And then you came back into my life.’ He reached out and brushed back my hair. ‘I’ll do better. I’ll be better. I know that I’m not the man you fell in love with any more. I guess I’ve put up walls, pushed myself into work because of everything that happened with my family. I’ve been scared to open up to anyone because of how I ruined us. I wish I was like you. Look how I hurt you but you’re still this bright spark.’ He looked at me in wonder.
We were still wrapped around each other and my heart was thumping in my chest at his closeness. I watched his lips curve up just enough to show me his dimple. I couldn’t stop myself. I touched it with my fingertips.
‘I missed that.’
He smiled fully. ‘Yeah?’
‘Yeah.’ I pulled away though. It was all too much. I looked down at my hands as I folded them in my lap. ‘I can’t believe you wrote me all those emails. I’m sorry I blocked you everywhere. I wish I had read them before now,’ I said softly, my heart still pounding. ‘Your words were beautiful.’
‘Almost as soon as I got to New York, I knew I’d made a huge mistake. Everything was shit out there. My mum, work, my father… but nothing compared to the fact you weren’t with me. And then as you know, I tried to contact you in every way I could think of, but I couldn’t get through.’
‘I didn’t want to hurt even more. Being in touch with you seemed just too much to even consider.’
‘I get it.’ Noah turned back to me. Our legs were still touching. I wondered if he’d realised or not. ‘You were right to do whatever you needed. I’ll never forget the look on your face when I walked away.’ He shuddered. ‘It’s haunted me for years.’
‘I wished you had told me the truth about why you had to go. I could have helped.’
‘I wished I had,’ Noah said. ‘I don’t know how to say how sorry I am. When my mum died last year…’ His voice caught and I found myself touching his hand again. He looked down at our hands. ‘I was so lost. I am lost, Stevie. I want to be the man you loved again. No, I want to be better.’
‘Noah…’
He took my hand in his and lifted his eyes to meet mine. ‘Do you know how hard it is to be this close to you and not be able to kiss you?’
I looked at his lips and I knew what he meant. There was this cloud of longing enveloping us. But was it just the familiarity of what we’d once had or did it mean that spark had never died? God, I wanted it to be the second one but I was scared of that. So scared that Noah would hurt me again.
‘I want to but…’ I whispered.
Noah let go of me. ‘Shit, Stevie. I shouldn’t have said anything. I know I shouldn’t say things like that to you. It’s not fair after what I did.’
‘I did kiss you first,’ I said, trying to lighten the mood. ‘A man buys a bookshop, you kiss them.’
‘I can’t stop thinking about it,’ Noah admitted.
‘You said it was a mistake,’ I reminded him.
‘I don’t want to hurt you again. God, when you walked into my flat when I was ill, I thought for a crazy, flu-ed up moment you had come home. Isn’t that mad?’ He put his head in his hands. ‘It’s not the same without you there. After we met, it never was.’
